I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
