Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
