I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
