I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
