I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
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