it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
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