Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
