you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
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