I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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