didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
