if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
