Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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