I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
