Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
