I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just gargled with NyQuil
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
