i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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