the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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