thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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