just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
