That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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