Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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