Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
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