I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
