so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
