he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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