dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
either way he was missing a nipple.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
