how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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