Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Randomize
