So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize