...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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