Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
