Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
