I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
