Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She bit a glass in half.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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