we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
