I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
