At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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