my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize