i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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