we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
