apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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