oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Be still, my beating vagina.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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