sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize