South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
