You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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