Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
3 2 1 whiskey
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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