I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize