No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
