He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
