Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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