yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you had me at cake vodka
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
