I can tuck mytits in my pants
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
