Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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