I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
