mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
