No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
