I can't breathe out the right side of my face
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
