Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
