So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize