her vagine was all disorganized.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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