I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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