we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
