I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
dude i'm inner monologue high
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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