I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
