You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
