Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
